Minimising!
‘Minimising’ — *Marshall Goldsmith & Sally Helgesen identify this as the Number 9 challenge holding women back.
‘Minimising’, Goldsmith & Helgesen say, is rooted in an awareness of other people’s needs and the wish to show them that you value their presence and insights and manifests by downplaying your own achievements or qualifications.
Minimising can be connected to the 'Disease to Please' too - or rather, the avoidance of displeasing others.
We think ‘minimising’ may also be rooted in childhood socialisation of women around being seen, not heard, and an inner ‘smalling’ of oneself – almost ‘I don’t really belong’, ‘Maybe I can stay if I keep myself small and offer opinions tentatively .’
So, what does minimising look like?
The Disease to Please
According to Helgesen & Goldsmith, this “disease” stems from an unselfish passion for making others happy. But there’s a lot going on here.
Socialisation plays a big role — girls are still largely taught to be nice and helpful. No wonder it feels ‘natural’ to us! Educational and workplace streaming often sees women in helping, less valued roles, while fields like engineering, IT, and commercial development remain male-dominated.
Informal roles — organising meetings, taking minutes, mentoring, welcoming new staff — are often taken on by women, or simply expected of them. While some of this is shifting, research shows the trend persists.
Being Able to Ask Good Questions is Essential to Leading Effectively
In our work with leaders, we often share an image of a dense jungle with two speech bubbles rising up from it. One speech bubble says 'Hold on folks, we are in the wrong jungle!' and the other says 'Shut up! We are making progress!' How many times has this happened to us where we go full throttle after a solution, only to discover that we had not defined the problem, or asked the right question in the first place! Wise, carefully thought-out questions are worth their weight in gold.
Discover the Secret to Awe-full Coaching!
AWE – ‘And What Else?’ – that magic little question, celebrated by Michael Bungay Stanier and used so often in coaching, gently nudges you to explore deeper, reach higher and dream bigger. It encourages you to unravel the intricacies of your thoughts, to confront what holds you back, and to envision the boundless possibilities that await you. It can invite you to dream and to experience that dream in all its glorious detail.