Minimising!

‘Minimising’ — *Marshall Goldsmith & Sally Helgesen identify this as the Number 9 challenge holding women back.

‘Minimising’, Goldsmith & Helgesen say, is rooted in an awareness of other people’s needs and the wish to show them that you value their presence and insights and manifests by downplaying your own achievements or qualifications.

Minimising can be connected to the 'Disease to Please'  too - or rather, the avoidance of displeasing others.

 We think ‘minimising’ may also be rooted in childhood socialisation of women around being seen, not heard, and an inner ‘smalling’ of oneself – almost ‘I don’t really belong’, ‘Maybe I can stay if I keep myself small and offer opinions tentatively .’

So, what does minimising look like?

Here are some examples of what minimising looks like and some antidotes you can try if you recognise yourself in them.

Physical Minimising – Pulling ourselves in, crossing our legs, taking up least possible amount of space. These poses are aligned with the fight/flight/freeze response and known to reduce our confidence and cognitive capacity as well as creating a perception of being less authoritative.

Antidotes: Grounding ourselves – feet firmly on the ground, sit bones firmly on the chair. Amy Cuddy’s stretch exercises are also excellent (to be done privately!): Stand feet apart and hands in the air and stretch as far as possible and release; put your hands on your hips and take three deep breaths.

Verbal Minimising – Using expressions like: ‘Maybe this isn’t important’, ‘I only need a second’, ‘You probably thought of this already’, ‘I only have one tiny suggestion’, ‘This may be beside the point’... Using ‘just’ and ‘only’ to dilute our sentences: ‘Can I just make one tiny observation’.

Antidotes: Experiment with changing your language:

1.     “I’m not an expert, but…” → “In my experience, the best direction would be”

2.     "The only thing is…” → "Have you also considered?"

3.     "Can I just say" → "I'd like to add"

4.     “When you get a minute” → "This requires your input, can you come back to me by X please?"

5.     “Does what I just said make sense?” → “Are there any questions?”

Social Minimising – Staying on the outside of the conversation, smalling myself, turning my shoulders away, avoiding eye contact.

Antidote: Grounding helps, as does turning your body fully to the group. Asking questions and listening fully can be key to socially including ourselves.

Professional Minimising – Downplaying your strengths and contributions, using ‘we’ exclusively.

Antidote: Practice using ‘we’ and ‘I’: ‘I initiated and we developed’.  – with careful use of ‘we’ and ‘I’ you can give fulsome credit to colleagues and team while ensuring that your personal contribution is also fully recognised;

So, Awareness is the first key…

….And now that you are aware of what minimising is, notice when you catch yourself doing it – then start experimenting with some of our antidotes and see what happens!

P.S. There’s another really important input here – Do you know what your Leadership Intention / North Star is? Once you know what you in your heart want to be and the impact you want to create you will automatically know where to direct your talent, capacity, energy and focus!

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*Marshall Goldsmith & Sally Helgesen's book, 'How Women Rise: Breaking the 12 Habits Holding You Back' is worth reading over and over.

We're sharing a series of reflections on their 12 Habits based on our own experience; hope we spark some ideas for you!